there she goes

december datang lagi..

macam baru je januari rasanya, tiba-tiba dah nak masuk tahun baru. alhamdulillah sebab punya kesempatan untuk welcome tahun baru, dan juga untuk a roller coaster ride of 2012. biasalah jalan tak semestinya lurus dan cantik macam highway, ada banyak simpang, roundabout, traffic light dan sebagainya. kadang-kadang sampai jalan mati dan kena buat 3 point turn dan patah balik. oh aku dan metafora, getting better gitu haha

jadi apa kita nak cerita pasal 2012 ni. alhamdulillah =) dari awal tahun aku ada la berazam secara agak hangat-hangat taik ayam supaya lebih produktif, lebih rajin dan lebih progresif. tak nak malas-malas sangat. nak belajar something yang baru.

somehow most of my wishes were answered. kadang-kadang kita tak sedar tapi apa yang kita nak dan doa secara diam dimakbulkan. mungkin not the exact wish tapi Allah itu maha besar dan maha mengetahui. dan selalunya apa kau dapat insyaAllah baiklah untuk kau, walaupun mungkin kita tak nampak hari ni. of course aku terus doakan plan yang lebih grand dan baik dari hari ini amin..

nampaknya 2012 started dengan perasaan agak demotivated. aku sebok mencari job baru. dan seperti biasalah aku ni, string of failures, macam sinonim. aku dapat interview kat company idaman, sampai dekat 2 jam, macam ada harapan dan of course aku berharap. tapi bila takde orang call esoknya atau lusanya dan juga sepanjang minggu, aku rasa another failure ni. lepas tu bila aku check kat sistem, walaupun as expected tapi sakit jugak ooo tengok terpampang depan mata, UNSUCCESSFUL status tu. pergh, makan dalam. lepas tu aku pon pasrah dan layan je. team ok, uk counterparts pon ok, tapi aku macam searching for something yang tak diketahui.

sangat tak tersangka akan dapat panggilan about a week after birthday. aku pergi dengan tak berharap pape, dan belasah aje dalam bahasa pasarnya. who knows, rezeki tu belongs to me. started the new journey in august, dan so far banyak benda nak kena belajar. yelah dah niat nak belajar sampai pandai kan. jangan give up dan sentiasa berusaha =) gambate!!

bandung, berlin and stavanger, woww very unexpected

after a while, i tend to forget how good and reliable i could be. dah lama aku rasa aku ni full of craps dan poyo. poyo poyo poyo. lazy bum. pathetic. sedeh. ah masih belum terlambat untuk melakukan sesuatu la.

harapan 2013 kita cerita dalam entri lain la ye. yang pasti miss aaqilah akan standard 1. hari tu aku cakap kat dia, aaqilah next year aaqilah standard 1. lepas tu darjah 6. then sekolah menengah, uni, kerja and nak kahwin. aaahh sedihnya maa.. dengan tersipu-sipu tak sure dia faham ke tak dia reply, apaa la maa ni..

a long december and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
i can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
oh the days go by so fast

and it's been a long december and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
i can't remember all the times i tried to tell myself
to hold on to these moments as they pass 

p/s: esok nak melayan counting crows la hahaha

One of the most well-known landmarks of Berlin, this is a former city gate or it's famously known as Branderburger Tor.

I'd really like to close Berlin's stories here and now to proceed with other unrelated entries. I thought this is a like a perfect ending, but you're welcomed to browse other photos at my flickr page. The passion towards photography is still burning =) as i recently found a new journey with smart phone.

what i remembered most about this city gate? well, obviously during the 2006 world cup in germany, branderburger tor was a major highlight. bbc put it as their main stage during the coverage and we were amazed at its grandeur display especially during night. one of the world cup editions in which we managed to watch almost all the games, even when i was in hospital due to labour. how can i forget when italy emerged as the eventual winner.

btw, this is the closest shot i managed to get. unlucky for us, there's an ongoing berlin marathon on the day we went to see branderburger tor.
 
 

The reason I came to Berlin.

Hallo Berlin 2012



Berlin's view from my window seat.



Tenang sayup mata memandang, mungkinkah ini River Spree?



The tram, public transportation here is very convenient and reliable. I've grown fond of trams as stations are nearer and one of the easiest way to enjoy city rides.If you travel in a group (max 5 people), buy a daily group pass. Once bought, don't forget to get the ticket validated at the machine in trams or near subways.



In Alexanderplatz, one of the biggest and most happening squares in the city centre. The famous Octoberfest was due to start on the eve of October. Unfortunately the weather wasn't on our side, hardly any big fluffy clouds appeared.



They're getting ready for Octoberfest. Souvenirs aren't as cheap as we hoped, but many interesting stuffs that caught your eyes and drew your big fat wallet out haha



Aww, weren't they lovelies?

I feel like being in a place where your dreams and reality met. Blue skies against the big fluffy clouds.

To be continued..

Good night. Sweet dreams. Sleep tight.

p/s: jangan lupa doa tidur ;)

i think i was quite comfortable and ready for this one. why not, another bundle of joy is more than welcome to what we 're having now. natalia is getting bigger and should learn the responsibility being a big sister. unlike aaqilah, she has much more exposure to kids around her age. to aaqilah it's always ok.

frankly speaking, at first i wanted one, and apparently i thought i wanted one, if you know what i mean.  when the blue line clearly showed the 2 lines, i was a bit stunned. i told o.h, we never fail at this test. however, there's one bit at the deepest part instinctively came out out of nowhere, sure you ready this time? yeah, being thankful i must welcome.

unlike the previous 2 before, i felt fine. once in a while i nearly forgot that there's a bun in the oven. but one day when i traced there's bleeding i started to panic. i left early, drove to shah alam to pickup kids and then was rushing to the clinic. unfortunately my doctor wasn't around and we went home. i prayed hard, please please please..

the next morning, i was still bleeding and after calling a day off, i went again to clinic for check. the doctor was a bit worried and she sent me to specialist for further checkup. she told me, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. God must have a better plan for me insyaAllah.

although i went to clinic since morning, it's only nearly 5pm i was driving home, alone. o.h was already informed. it's been such a tiring and overwhelming day for me. it's confirmed that i was having a miscarriage and the d&c should follow next.

***********************************************

this friday will mark a month after the procedure. i'd really thought that i was tough, however it hit me all of a sudden while in a car with o.h on our way back. i felt loss, but i believe it too, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be..

till next time, amin..

aku demam dan kebah beberapa kali di musim 7..

anything can happen in 8th season. seems almost certain but the the journey in the middle must be told convincingly haha

the gentleman..

my jpo trip today, the first ever.

oh tooks days off, sempena untuk bawak kiterang jalan-jalan. so it came down to jpo against nasi ganja. ye, memang meleleh air liur gak teringat nasi ganja but never went to jpo before. saja nak tengok camne. komen orang, fossil best, la senza not bad.

komen aku, fossil memang best. seronok aku masuk ahahaha.. la senza, probably bukan rezeki aku untuk offer menarik, better beli di waktu sale cam sekarang. with additional member's discount, much more better and more options to choose.

barang macam tak berapa banyak. sale pon tak berapa menarik. ada laa jugak, tapi mungkin saya sudah tidak punya mood sangat. alaa macam bila mood untuk besoping, maka belek barang pon dengan perasaan gembira.

oh cakap even lower standard than junction apa ntah kat area sheffield/leeds tu. aku rasa memang tak telawan bicester village, portsmouth, swindon, ashford dan sewaktu dengannya. la valle pon barang2 menarik dan lagi banyak, walopon tak murah. tak fair plak rasanya nak compare kan hehehe

nak buat camne, dah the number itself in rrp is already huge..

hh - kedai worth to visit -> fossil
oh - nike, adidas

alasan pembelian - senang nak letak henpon n duit waktu nak klua lunch ahahaha

hh : aaqilah, esok birthday maa
oh : kita nak kasi maa apa aaqilah?
aaq : kita kasi maa tabung duit
nat : yeyy

i was like, ooo ok =) dalam hati bangga gak ahaks

hh : bihun soto ayam 1, teh 3 layer - 1, awak nak apa bby?
oh : hmm michael jackson - 1
all : ah? (suprising)

rupanya michael jackson is soya + cincau. available at warung, mid valley, in front of fos. wah ni iklan free heheh

makeups are not compulsory, but they are like a necessity. i'm pretty sure that most women out there at least put on moisturizers and a pressed powder in handbags is a must.

a good article i stumbled upon this morning - heavy metals found in many cosmetics, not listed on labels.

it even listed a few products to have the highest levels of impurities, such as:

•  Clinique Stay True Makeup foundation (Stay Ivory) — arsenic, cadmium, beryllium, lead, nickel, thallium
• Sephora Sculpting Powder Trio eye shadow (Brown and Pink) — beryllium, lead, nickel, thallium
• MAC Sheerton Shimmer Blush (Springsheen) — beryllium, lead, nickel, thallium
• L'Oreal Bare Naturale mascara (Black/Brown) — arsenic, beryllium, cadmium, lead, nickel, thallium
• Cover Girl Perfect Point Plus eyeliner (Black Onyx) — beryllium, cadmium, lead, nickel
• Almay Intense i-color Trio eye color (Trio for Blues, Brown and Dark Grey) — beryllium, cadmium, lead, nickel, selenium
• Benefit Benetint Pocket Pal (Red Tint and Clear Gloss) — arsenic, beryllium, cadmium, lead, nickel, selenium, thallium

wish more women would work on being beautiful on the inside, a smile is a much prettier

totally..

gotta admit that season 7 of himym is intoxicating, heartbreaking, rollercoaster riding.. at least to me. i've been infatuated since the episode in which barney and robin hooking up again. accidentally, coincidentally, on purpose or whatever..

season 7 isn't as funny as the first 3 seasons, but emotionally affected.

who's the bride, who's the titular mother?

jodoh.

dengan siapa, macam mana, kenapa, di mana?

coincidentally tarikh dia hari ni plak, saya tak sengaja. btw draft berabuk ni dah nak sebulan. hari-hari aku duk ngadap skrin yang sama terkebil-kebil mencari idea. jodoh oh jodoh, rezeki oh rezeki.

bukankah sudah tersurat di loh mahfuz ketentuan jodoh, rezeki, dan maut itu. jadi setiap dari kita ni ada other halfnya insyaAllah. tapi takdelah sampai tak berusaha langsung, mentang-mentanglah dah tertulis. adakah jodoh ini takdir yang kita pilih sendiri, jika dia passes by, that moment and that person won't be coming back. macam tu ke. atau seperti yang aku pernah baca, if he/she's meant to be, he/she's meant to be..

marriage ialah relationship kan, jadi takde kuasa magik yang membuatkan semuanya smooth sailing. marriage/relationship needs hard work from both ends and never to give up. apa yang aku nak cuba relatekan dengan cerita di atas ialah macam ni, sila baca untuk beberapa perenggan berikutnya hahaha. kadang-kadang ada hari matahari bersinar terang gemilang, langit biru siap ada burung terbang bebas riang. ada hari gerimis. ada hari hujan lebat, siap ada petir guruh lengkap. ye, dia pelengkap, tapi once in a while aku pon bole naik darah jugak. sama-sama tensen dengan macam-macam peel masing-masing. ops, baru kawen nak masuk 7 tahun ni ;)

have you ever thought, why me? dah le pendek, tak putih (ok, tanak mengaku aku gelap di sini), kasar, tomboyish, tak manja, menggelabah ayam, train wreck, temperamental dan sebagainya. on the other hand, dia adalah sebaliknya. physically attractive, berjaya, high self-esteem, ciri-ciri berjaya.

dia pernah cakap, awak cool. oh seriously kembang kuncup hidung aku bangga time tu. hati rasa bunga-bunga ria. jadi ada 1001 macam sebab kenapa aku dan dia. kalau nak list down mau berapa jam lagi aku tetap mengadap skrin ni memikirkan jawapannya. ultimately ialah saya jodoh awak dan awak jodoh saya. 

aku berdoa untuk lelaki yang baik, bukan setakat dia baik tapi baik hatinya. aku suka lelaki yang pandai, ye sangat pandai. aku ni macam keretapi tanah melayu dan dia macam shinkansen. aku suka lelaki yang ada ilmu dunia dan agama di dada, alhamdulillah dia punya. aku nak rasa sangat selesa, the comfy cushion physically and emotionally. aku suka lelaki yang sedap di pandang mata. despite whatever people used to say that he's too pretty, dia as a person came top on my list. that's the magic i guess, somehow the obvious appearance becomes unnoticeable. (told you, the list keeps going)

rupanya lambakan bunga, coklat, heart shaped balloons and v-day deco kat sunway pyramid tadi berjaya jugaklah menjadikan aku orang jiwa-jiwa malam ni. aiiii...

Following my previous entry, the next day was another class which was a donut class. the chef is someone whom aja is quite familiar with, part of the chef bakery's team at bangi.

learning donuts is quite fun, but you gotta be ready for the long period of making the donut. fermentation proses itself took at least 2 hours, after that further kneading and flattening the dough. we learned more than 5 types of donuts that are possible as the end products. personally i like sardine donut more than i could expected ;)

well, enjoy the photos.

it's been a while.

saturday

all of a sudden my recent weekend has become quite hectic after a long dormant periods. a last minute substitution wasn't that bad. now i know how it's possible to design your polka dot apam the way you like, just be creative. to think out of the box and you may get unexpected results. ladybug is achievable and very cutesy, seriously.

kek gula hangus is quite easy, plus i've learned the right techniques and good tips.

for no apparent reason,
take me back to 2007

Five 8's to practice:

1. stop eating when 80% full
2. eat dinner before 8pm
3. drink 8 glasses of water a day
4. get 8 hours of sleep
5. take 8,000 steps a day

alamak, berita yang tak berapa memberansangkan.

fyi, aaqilah turns 6 this year. oh, anak dara aku nak masuk 6 tahun dah rupanya. ceritanya pasal standard 1 registration.

last year sewaktu orang sibuk register anak masing-masing sekolah untuk sesi 2012/2013, kiterang dengan selambanya buat tak berapa reti saja. oklah, aku sikit lagi nak daftarkan aaqilah kat cbn, tapi memikirkan long term yang aku tak tau nak stay at gltm ke tak membuatkan aku contemplating tak habis-habis. sedar-sedar je tarikh daftar yang expired.

kiterang rasa, takpe towards next year (2012 la) kiterang akan mendapat petunjuk sekolah mana, sebab at that time ada kemungkinan nak pindah rumah. 2-3 bulan lepas aku pun mulalah mencari sekolah balik, cuba-cuba untuk cari dekat dengan um plak, since probability ayah dia kat um adalah lagi tinggi dari aku kat masjid jamek. what i discovered was there's a few very good schools quite close to um. awesomeness!!

akhirnya setelah berjaya menconvincekan oh untuk hantar aaqilah ke sekolah dekat dengan um, o.h pun suruh aku register. tapi aku ingatkan kenalah tunggu sampai registration opens for this year, ye tak.

tapi hari ni sewaktu dia pick up kat stesen star, o.h delivered the not so good news. katanya sekolah tu dah penuh. alamaaak. kita boleh try, ada rezeki ada katanya. tapi kena cari backup schools untuk aaqilah.

backupnya aku takde lagi, sebab aku berharap jugaklah huhuhu.. kita doakan ye semoga dapat tempat untuk cik aaqilah, amin..

shocking pink. one of the cupsters' project.

i know we're not that active. but if you'd like to know us better, just pop an email or give us a ping.

bigger and even better this year, ameen

good night. sweet dreams. sleep tight.

ours is a second hand malm which came along with sultan mattress (florvag) we bought on ebay when we first moved out of university's flat. the pickup journey was really tiring and heavy. at the first sight eventhough the mattress seems not thick enough, but it felt really comfortable, seriously.

the simpleness of malm's design is something that i admire. still using it, very happy and not intended to replace anytime soon.

recently we bought a mattress pad for the extra comfort, aaaa.. it costs you at rm149 but you'll find that it's getting harder to wake up the next morning =)

now i wish to get a bedroom makeover this year ;)

ok, kali ni entri yang aku malas nak fikir dan simply type saja. is that possible?

dengan tak semena-mena aku cuba untuk ada entri just before 2012, tapi sebab layan tv dan budak-budak manja ni, tak sempat. dapatla 12.00 am on the dot. tak dapatlah date 31.12.2011. that's fine. sebab aku fikir aku akan the next 24 hours untuk coming up with a new entry serba semangat on the 1st jan. haha nil too

2011, nothing much happened. wasn's as tough and challenging as 2010, but picked up really slow. tatau camne nak cakap, but i sense something better this year? ameen and insyaAllah =)

o.h masih kuat semangat mengejar cita-cita baru as a pro golfer. aku masih lagi rasa stuck. sungguh tak best. stuck tang mana, mengapa, kenapa, pasal apa? aku pun stuck dengan jawapan yang still beneath surface. simply because, aku kurang bersyukur dengan kehidupan yang serba ada ni. whining, bitching and complaining, all the time. jadi, all the negativities only make you feel like sh7t.

tahun baru islam masih tak sampai 2 bulan. dengan kedatangan tahun baru 2012 ni, semoga semangat berkobar-kobar yang datang ni lebih membuatkan tak lupa pada the old hasniza. when she's 12, 15, or 21. probably the carefree 25. ok itu sekadar umur. kesimpulannya, di manakah hasniza yang ambitious, driven dan penuh daya imaginasi tinggi itu?

1st, bersyukur dari hati yang ikhlas dan humble, di atas segala nikmat dan apa yang kita ada sehingga kini. o.h the husband, the man and the best friend. a.a.i and n.a.a. syukur alhamdulillah kerana mak semakin kuat dan sihat, syukur untuk kesihatan yang terbaik dan keluarga besar tersayang. kesihatan yang baik, that's priceless. jadi mari kita teruskan dengan kesyukuran ini insyaAllah.

aku pernah terbaca somewhere,  apa yang Allah tunaikan untuk kita kerana Dia maha mengetahui apa yang terbaik untuk kita walaupun kita fikirkan/mahukan sebaliknya. mungkin kita tak sedar sekarang, kan. bila difikir-fikir balik, alhamdulillah apa yang aku pernah niat, hajat dan doakan, somehow granted, walaupun dalam keadaan sengaja dan tak sengaja.

alhamdulillah..

I ended 2011, not with a bang but quite a letdown. uuuu