there she goes

my mother sent my siblings and i to our quranic reading class near our house when we were young. very near that we only walked to the class and once in a while we ran in order to arrive at earliest.

i still remembered that there was a weekly fardhu ain class, where we had tazkirah sessions and solat berjemaah after that. in one of the classes i was introduced to yusuf islam or previously known as cat steven. my ustazah told us about his journey story embracing islam, and we learnt to sing his song. all i could recall was the first few lines something like these..

A' is for Allah, nothing but Allah
Ba' is the beginning of bismillah
...

when aaqilah was around a year or something, i was suddenly heard that song playing in my mind. i thought since i was in uk, it'd be easier to get the cd. so i was searching for that particular cd on amazon uk, and finally bought one based on the reviews that i've read about it. why i just didn't google the lyric back then.. duh.. ironically the imported cd was all the way from malaysia.

i didn't find the same song in the cd, but my kids really enjoy most of the songs until now. even they have their favourite playlist and make me play them over and over again. from aaqilah, to natalia and will be passing to sufi one day..

recommended =)

there'll be one more episode before the 1 hour finale on 31 March.

How I Met Your Mother is bidding adieu after the 9 year journey. hence, most of my 9 years has been spent with the himym gang on a weekly basis and 9 years is quite a long duration. from my mid twenties until now (not yet mid thirties), we live, eat and sleep with the show. wah, dasatlah haha

in my case himym came out at the right time when i wasn't really attached to any show except bleach, honey and clover, yakitate japan, just naming a few anime series that i got stuck onto during that time. by that time means i was a housewife back then. we were young parents with a baby girl and still adapting to family life adjustments. o.h was a full-time student, and boy, life was simple and quite easy.

as time passes us by, the show itself has it's own ups and downs. sometimes it's not accelerating at good pace, there's time when i just watched it because it's himym. personally for me, himym has been a very good companion and watching it every tuesday is always a joy.

"And that's how it goes kids. The friends, neighbours, drinking buddies, partners in crimes you love so much when you were young, as the years go by, you just lose touch.
You will be shocked kids, when you discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. That's why when you find someone you wanna keep around, you do something about it."

Although it might be a bit late, introducing to you guys these 2 special instagram accounts, @cupsters   and the latter @projekshawl.

@cupsters
Our humble online baking business which I've founded many many years ago with the chocolate cake as the beginning. It's not really huge but manageable and we're proud of our homemade products ;) Highly recommended - Red Velvet cake/cupcake with creamy cheese cream frosting and always my favourite, Devils Food cupcake with chocolate ganache.

Feel free to follow @cupsters and to like our page too Cupsters.Monsters



@projekshawl
Due to my petite built, I've always had problems finding my perfect shawl. If the width is ok, I've had issues with the length and vice versa. Sometimes I've had issues with the materials's opaqueness and material itself. When I see others wearing cute shawls, I always wonder where did they get theirs and one day I thought why not do it myself ones. So that's how it began, a small side project by yours truly. But who knows where this step might lead me to, amen.. Psss, just let me know if you like any of these..

Anyway, there're still many rooms for improvements and a lot for me to learn. It's exciting, challenging and yet could be rewarding. So please, your supports are very much appreciated..

Follow @projekshawl and like the page projekshawl

saya tengah bercuti maternity, sekarang nearly 2 bulan, 1 month to go.

ops, sebenarnya permohonan untuk extend lagi 3 bulan cuti dah approved. in total aku akan cuti 6 bulan, i'll be back to office in july insyaAllah. of course unpaid the extra 3 months tu.

dari tahun lepas lagi aku dah poyo-poyo inform erik yang aku nak extend cuti cuma tak sure berapa bulan. camni, my colleague started this trend of extending maternity leave to the maximum of 6 months in the office and followed by others. aku ni orang ke-3 bercuti lama sakan. bukannya apa, aku kesian nak hantar sufi ke babysitter as young as 3 months, by 6 months she should be ready by then. lagipun disebabkan aku went tru c-sec ari tu, aku rasa eloklah berehat lama sikit.

once cuti aku dapat lampu hijau, tiba-tiba aku pulak yang jadi panik. how am i going to pay my bills? adakah decision aku ni tak berapa wise? money issue, financial woes.

akan tetapi, aku yakinkan dalam hati, rezeki itu rahsia Allah. kenapa aku nak risaukan perkara yang dah ditentukan. aku berusaha from my end, dan pray for the very best.. ameen..

I've started shopping for new baby quite recently.

Actually it's all started when I went to a facial and the masseur was promoting leesa's formula postnatal set. Since I had the treatment at the spa, there's a 20% discount if I bought the product. I was this close to buy but then halted. Must study this first, I thought.

The next few days was spent on reading reviews and finally I've decided on Tanamera. Firstly I think I could make full use of the products (have started using some actually). During Aaqilah I was on Nona Roguy (love the minyak herba, bau sedap), Natalia was on HPA. OK, I wasn't really concerned on the postnatal set as long as I had one, and both of the sets were specially brought to UK that time. Terima dengan redha. In case of Tanamera, I managed to get that during online promotion.

After that, nothing much purchased, as I always feel that we've got most of the stuffs. To be honest, don't get me started on this because once the list started, I'll end up with what a long one even longer than first time mommies.

So, it's better to have the hospital bag ready first.

The list may yet completes but all I could think so far:
Mine

• Tops (blouses, tshirts)
• Pants (loose)
• Kain batik (if I could find where I keep those haha)
• Maternity/Nursing bras, panties
• Pairs of socks
• Camera (make sure fully charged)
• Handphone and charger/power bank
• Necessary ointments
• Toiletteries/Towel 

•  Sleepsuits
•  Pampers
•  Napkins/Swaddle
•  Mittens/booties
•  Carseat (namanya alang-alang dah ada ;P)

last week was an exam week for aaqilah. we were a bit nervous at first, and the stress level was hiking as we felt aaqilah wasn't ready for her exam. being a stressful mom (very ones) i started my ceramah  and continued blabbering whenever i felt i must to. poor aaqilah..

so a few days before the exam, we have started preparing her with her 2-3 hours per session daily regime. budak tu baru darjah 1 ok. day and night for all subjects. whenever we asked her questions, she became hesitant with her answers and then just simply replied 'i don't know'.

however during the study sessions, questions started to arise. did the learnings were so much fun back then that our parents let us be kids. has the level of education system nowadays increased, thus subjects for standard 1 now become more difficult. or is aaqilah unable to coupe during learning sessions? o.h told aaqilah that he didn't need to study when he was in standard 1-3 and getting 100% was no biggie. all i could recall is, standard 1-3 was quite easy. in order to motivate her, i told aaqilah my favorite subject was mathematics but my english was terrible. her command in english is way better than mine, even natalia speaks english better when i was around their age.

one important question, do we put high expectations on her to always perform? do I put high expectations on her?

a day after her exam finished, o.h told me aaqilah scored 98% for her bahasa melayu.wow, very encouraging. later more results came in, 89% for her maths, B for arabic (around 70++) and 84% for dunia sains. i started to worry again, as i thought if you couldn't get strong A's (90 and above) when you're in standard 1, how will you perform after this?

the answer is always yes. i guess for next year and afterwards, we'll let her being kid of her age but she must abide her responsibity as student, daughter and good muslim. what could be more satisfying than achieving very good results after hard labour?

rumours that i've heard, moms of her classmates complained that the exam was difficult. her friends didn't score either, even their kids told them that the highest score for sains is 80++. err, could it be aaqilah?

let see what her teacher is going to say next week.. jeng jeng jeng

i don't know how the thrills and excitement of blogging went kaput.
it just stopped and that's it.

until today, when i was trying to recall something that i've posted before. there i have it and all of a sudden the excitement and thrills slowly came back. the blog looks clean, all thanks to the white background. although the font looks small, thank God i still have not much problem reading them.

since the last post, i've always felt that nothing much happened and to share. the list of readings has significantly decreased over the years. i wasn't interested in things anymore, i felt that work and family life have consumed most of my energy yang tak seberapa ni. the life itself has become routine, weekend is more like a commitment and to be honest, once in a while not really looking towards it.

sometimes the small things around you make the life much more appreciated and sweeter.

hey hasniza, welcome back and let's enjoy this ride again =)

december datang lagi..

macam baru je januari rasanya, tiba-tiba dah nak masuk tahun baru. alhamdulillah sebab punya kesempatan untuk welcome tahun baru, dan juga untuk a roller coaster ride of 2012. biasalah jalan tak semestinya lurus dan cantik macam highway, ada banyak simpang, roundabout, traffic light dan sebagainya. kadang-kadang sampai jalan mati dan kena buat 3 point turn dan patah balik. oh aku dan metafora, getting better gitu haha

jadi apa kita nak cerita pasal 2012 ni. alhamdulillah =) dari awal tahun aku ada la berazam secara agak hangat-hangat taik ayam supaya lebih produktif, lebih rajin dan lebih progresif. tak nak malas-malas sangat. nak belajar something yang baru.

somehow most of my wishes were answered. kadang-kadang kita tak sedar tapi apa yang kita nak dan doa secara diam dimakbulkan. mungkin not the exact wish tapi Allah itu maha besar dan maha mengetahui. dan selalunya apa kau dapat insyaAllah baiklah untuk kau, walaupun mungkin kita tak nampak hari ni. of course aku terus doakan plan yang lebih grand dan baik dari hari ini amin..

nampaknya 2012 started dengan perasaan agak demotivated. aku sebok mencari job baru. dan seperti biasalah aku ni, string of failures, macam sinonim. aku dapat interview kat company idaman, sampai dekat 2 jam, macam ada harapan dan of course aku berharap. tapi bila takde orang call esoknya atau lusanya dan juga sepanjang minggu, aku rasa another failure ni. lepas tu bila aku check kat sistem, walaupun as expected tapi sakit jugak ooo tengok terpampang depan mata, UNSUCCESSFUL status tu. pergh, makan dalam. lepas tu aku pon pasrah dan layan je. team ok, uk counterparts pon ok, tapi aku macam searching for something yang tak diketahui.

sangat tak tersangka akan dapat panggilan about a week after birthday. aku pergi dengan tak berharap pape, dan belasah aje dalam bahasa pasarnya. who knows, rezeki tu belongs to me. started the new journey in august, dan so far banyak benda nak kena belajar. yelah dah niat nak belajar sampai pandai kan. jangan give up dan sentiasa berusaha =) gambate!!

bandung, berlin and stavanger, woww very unexpected

after a while, i tend to forget how good and reliable i could be. dah lama aku rasa aku ni full of craps dan poyo. poyo poyo poyo. lazy bum. pathetic. sedeh. ah masih belum terlambat untuk melakukan sesuatu la.

harapan 2013 kita cerita dalam entri lain la ye. yang pasti miss aaqilah akan standard 1. hari tu aku cakap kat dia, aaqilah next year aaqilah standard 1. lepas tu darjah 6. then sekolah menengah, uni, kerja and nak kahwin. aaahh sedihnya maa.. dengan tersipu-sipu tak sure dia faham ke tak dia reply, apaa la maa ni..

a long december and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
i can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving
oh the days go by so fast

and it's been a long december and there's reason to believe
maybe this year will be better than the last
i can't remember all the times i tried to tell myself
to hold on to these moments as they pass 

p/s: esok nak melayan counting crows la hahaha

One of the most well-known landmarks of Berlin, this is a former city gate or it's famously known as Branderburger Tor.

I'd really like to close Berlin's stories here and now to proceed with other unrelated entries. I thought this is a like a perfect ending, but you're welcomed to browse other photos at my flickr page. The passion towards photography is still burning =) as i recently found a new journey with smart phone.

what i remembered most about this city gate? well, obviously during the 2006 world cup in germany, branderburger tor was a major highlight. bbc put it as their main stage during the coverage and we were amazed at its grandeur display especially during night. one of the world cup editions in which we managed to watch almost all the games, even when i was in hospital due to labour. how can i forget when italy emerged as the eventual winner.

btw, this is the closest shot i managed to get. unlucky for us, there's an ongoing berlin marathon on the day we went to see branderburger tor.
 
 

The reason I came to Berlin.

Hallo Berlin 2012



Berlin's view from my window seat.



Tenang sayup mata memandang, mungkinkah ini River Spree?



The tram, public transportation here is very convenient and reliable. I've grown fond of trams as stations are nearer and one of the easiest way to enjoy city rides.If you travel in a group (max 5 people), buy a daily group pass. Once bought, don't forget to get the ticket validated at the machine in trams or near subways.



In Alexanderplatz, one of the biggest and most happening squares in the city centre. The famous Octoberfest was due to start on the eve of October. Unfortunately the weather wasn't on our side, hardly any big fluffy clouds appeared.



They're getting ready for Octoberfest. Souvenirs aren't as cheap as we hoped, but many interesting stuffs that caught your eyes and drew your big fat wallet out haha



Aww, weren't they lovelies?

I feel like being in a place where your dreams and reality met. Blue skies against the big fluffy clouds.

To be continued..

Good night. Sweet dreams. Sleep tight.

p/s: jangan lupa doa tidur ;)

i think i was quite comfortable and ready for this one. why not, another bundle of joy is more than welcome to what we 're having now. natalia is getting bigger and should learn the responsibility being a big sister. unlike aaqilah, she has much more exposure to kids around her age. to aaqilah it's always ok.

frankly speaking, at first i wanted one, and apparently i thought i wanted one, if you know what i mean.  when the blue line clearly showed the 2 lines, i was a bit stunned. i told o.h, we never fail at this test. however, there's one bit at the deepest part instinctively came out out of nowhere, sure you ready this time? yeah, being thankful i must welcome.

unlike the previous 2 before, i felt fine. once in a while i nearly forgot that there's a bun in the oven. but one day when i traced there's bleeding i started to panic. i left early, drove to shah alam to pickup kids and then was rushing to the clinic. unfortunately my doctor wasn't around and we went home. i prayed hard, please please please..

the next morning, i was still bleeding and after calling a day off, i went again to clinic for check. the doctor was a bit worried and she sent me to specialist for further checkup. she told me, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. God must have a better plan for me insyaAllah.

although i went to clinic since morning, it's only nearly 5pm i was driving home, alone. o.h was already informed. it's been such a tiring and overwhelming day for me. it's confirmed that i was having a miscarriage and the d&c should follow next.

***********************************************

this friday will mark a month after the procedure. i'd really thought that i was tough, however it hit me all of a sudden while in a car with o.h on our way back. i felt loss, but i believe it too, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be..

till next time, amin..

aku demam dan kebah beberapa kali di musim 7..

anything can happen in 8th season. seems almost certain but the the journey in the middle must be told convincingly haha

the gentleman..

my jpo trip today, the first ever.

oh tooks days off, sempena untuk bawak kiterang jalan-jalan. so it came down to jpo against nasi ganja. ye, memang meleleh air liur gak teringat nasi ganja but never went to jpo before. saja nak tengok camne. komen orang, fossil best, la senza not bad.

komen aku, fossil memang best. seronok aku masuk ahahaha.. la senza, probably bukan rezeki aku untuk offer menarik, better beli di waktu sale cam sekarang. with additional member's discount, much more better and more options to choose.

barang macam tak berapa banyak. sale pon tak berapa menarik. ada laa jugak, tapi mungkin saya sudah tidak punya mood sangat. alaa macam bila mood untuk besoping, maka belek barang pon dengan perasaan gembira.

oh cakap even lower standard than junction apa ntah kat area sheffield/leeds tu. aku rasa memang tak telawan bicester village, portsmouth, swindon, ashford dan sewaktu dengannya. la valle pon barang2 menarik dan lagi banyak, walopon tak murah. tak fair plak rasanya nak compare kan hehehe

nak buat camne, dah the number itself in rrp is already huge..

hh - kedai worth to visit -> fossil
oh - nike, adidas

alasan pembelian - senang nak letak henpon n duit waktu nak klua lunch ahahaha