there she goes

I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something. So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever. Neil Gaiman #happynewyear2017 #artsy #whatalongpost #alhamdulillah #reflection #typic

A photo posted by Hasniza Hisma (@hasnizahisma) on Dec 31, 2016 at 10:24pm PST

happy new year 2017

so i'd like to jot down a few lines on the first page of 2017's book. haven't really into this tradition of making the first day of january such a celebration since the past few years, because to me it's just another day and just happens to be the first one. yes i used to blog 'happy new year 20XX' and blah blah, that's all.

i just felt a bit different this year. was it because most people on facebook that i know celebrated new year and posted something online? or maybe because i've secretly declared that i wanted to be more active on social media which prompted me to join the bandwagon, i think so too..

last night, we went out for a dinner as aaqilah repeatedly mentioned we should go to see fireworks, or at least be at somewhere happenings because it's new year. we just told her that was something we haven't done in years. it's almost sounded like a pleading, at least we should go to citta mall she said. since natalia and apparently sufi too were having a mild diarrhea hence we decided it's better not to divert anywhere after dinner. too bad no fireworks display could be seen from subang bestari.

so i thought, it's not really about the first day of january or the moment 12 midnight struck but at least i wanted to give them the feel and opportunity being at those busy places once in a while. probably celebrating new year will be one of those that they'll remember experiencing when they're kids. ain't that something nice to have?

let's start one shall we, i'll post any celebration photos next time on social media, be it on instagram or fb or my own blog :)

“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes. Because if you are making mistakes, then you are making new things, trying new things, learning, living, pushing yourself, changing yourself, changing your world. You're doing things you've never done before, and more importantly, you're Doing Something. So that's my wish for you, and all of us, and my wish for myself. Make New Mistakes. Make glorious, amazing mistakes. Make mistakes nobody's ever made before. Don't freeze, don't stop, don't worry that it isn't good enough, or it isn't perfect, whatever it is: art, or love, or work or family or life. Whatever it is you're scared of doing, Do it. Make your mistakes, next year and forever.” ― Neil Gaiman

Day 06 A taste of spring/autumn
I will always love you, and make sure that you'll be in safe keep babe hahaha



Day 07 Where I'd rather be
Apparently I've had the birthday dinner at the same place as last year, and probably in the coming years since the choice is mine.


Day 08 Hobby
Apart from dslr and instax camera which is the latest member to my photography clan, personally I think iPhone camera takes quite stunning photos :)


Day 09 Dark
It's actually the liquid electric repeller.


Day 10 My fave part of the day
Auwww seeing sufi smiles the very first thing in the morning wakes you up instantly. Stronger than coffee :)
 

aaq: maa, boleh saya nak change my name?
maa: (quite surprised) eh, kenapa nak tukar? awak kan suka nama tu?
aaq: saya nak tukar to something else. my classmates semua panggil aa-aa-qilah. (this must be her spelling with the double AA)
maa: oooooo.. maa and ayah gave u aaqilah sebab spellingnya unik. ada nama Aqilah, or Akilah but yours is unique one..

and she was in silence, probably digesting the reason that i gave her.

dearest aaqilah,
you might always be on top of the name list and kids might make fun of your name, but we wanted you to know that it's not an instant to come up with your name. we took time because we care, and we'll always love how AAQILAH spelt ;)

my mother sent my siblings and i to our quranic reading class near our house when we were young. very near that we only walked to the class and once in a while we ran in order to arrive at earliest.

i still remembered that there was a weekly fardhu ain class, where we had tazkirah sessions and solat berjemaah after that. in one of the classes i was introduced to yusuf islam or previously known as cat steven. my ustazah told us about his journey story embracing islam, and we learnt to sing his song. all i could recall was the first few lines something like these..

A' is for Allah, nothing but Allah
Ba' is the beginning of bismillah
...

when aaqilah was around a year or something, i was suddenly heard that song playing in my mind. i thought since i was in uk, it'd be easier to get the cd. so i was searching for that particular cd on amazon uk, and finally bought one based on the reviews that i've read about it. why i just didn't google the lyric back then.. duh.. ironically the imported cd was all the way from malaysia.

i didn't find the same song in the cd, but my kids really enjoy most of the songs until now. even they have their favourite playlist and make me play them over and over again. from aaqilah, to natalia and will be passing to sufi one day..

recommended =)

I've started shopping for new baby quite recently.

Actually it's all started when I went to a facial and the masseur was promoting leesa's formula postnatal set. Since I had the treatment at the spa, there's a 20% discount if I bought the product. I was this close to buy but then halted. Must study this first, I thought.

The next few days was spent on reading reviews and finally I've decided on Tanamera. Firstly I think I could make full use of the products (have started using some actually). During Aaqilah I was on Nona Roguy (love the minyak herba, bau sedap), Natalia was on HPA. OK, I wasn't really concerned on the postnatal set as long as I had one, and both of the sets were specially brought to UK that time. Terima dengan redha. In case of Tanamera, I managed to get that during online promotion.

After that, nothing much purchased, as I always feel that we've got most of the stuffs. To be honest, don't get me started on this because once the list started, I'll end up with what a long one even longer than first time mommies.

So, it's better to have the hospital bag ready first.

The list may yet completes but all I could think so far:
Mine

• Tops (blouses, tshirts)
• Pants (loose)
• Kain batik (if I could find where I keep those haha)
• Maternity/Nursing bras, panties
• Pairs of socks
• Camera (make sure fully charged)
• Handphone and charger/power bank
• Necessary ointments
• Toiletteries/Towel 

Baby 

•  Sleepsuits
•  Pampers
•  Napkins/Swaddle
•  Mittens/booties
•  Carseat (namanya alang-alang dah ada ;P)

Stumbled upon aden + anais while I was spending some time off in Mothercare. The logo and packaging look so cute that makes me googling about it straight away. Now whose fault is that when drooling over these cutesies. o.h responded, alaa kita pakai lampin je huhuhuhu




So far the search is still no avail, very hard to find the particular easy swaddle here

last week was an exam week for aaqilah. we were a bit nervous at first, and the stress level was hiking as we felt aaqilah wasn't ready for her exam. being a stressful mom (very ones) i started my ceramah  and continued blabbering whenever i felt i must to. poor aaqilah..

so a few days before the exam, we have started preparing her with her 2-3 hours per session daily regime. budak tu baru darjah 1 ok. day and night for all subjects. whenever we asked her questions, she became hesitant with her answers and then just simply replied 'i don't know'.

however during the study sessions, questions started to arise. did the learnings were so much fun back then that our parents let us be kids. has the level of education system nowadays increased, thus subjects for standard 1 now become more difficult. or is aaqilah unable to coupe during learning sessions? o.h told aaqilah that he didn't need to study when he was in standard 1-3 and getting 100% was no biggie. all i could recall is, standard 1-3 was quite easy. in order to motivate her, i told aaqilah my favorite subject was mathematics but my english was terrible. her command in english is way better than mine, even natalia speaks english better when i was around their age.

one important question, do we put high expectations on her to always perform? do I put high expectations on her?

a day after her exam finished, o.h told me aaqilah scored 98% for her bahasa melayu.wow, very encouraging. later more results came in, 89% for her maths, B for arabic (around 70++) and 84% for dunia sains. i started to worry again, as i thought if you couldn't get strong A's (90 and above) when you're in standard 1, how will you perform after this?

the answer is always yes. i guess for next year and afterwards, we'll let her being kid of her age but she must abide her responsibity as student, daughter and good muslim. what could be more satisfying than achieving very good results after hard labour?

rumours that i've heard, moms of her classmates complained that the exam was difficult. her friends didn't score either, even their kids told them that the highest score for sains is 80++. err, could it be aaqilah?

let see what her teacher is going to say next week.. jeng jeng jeng

It's Aaqilah's first day at new school. I was worried before because she's never been alone in a new environment setting since she went to kindergarden with her cousin. Alhamdulillah, she adjusted well and seems to love the school. Even maa and ayah need to readjust to her new time table =)

During her first week starting school. FYI this is her first time being sent away to a place totally strange to her. Proud of you Natalia for adjustting yourself within the first 2 weeks, yeayy!! It's like a rollercoaster ride with Natalia and school and I think she quite enjoys herself there.

Aaqilah has started her swimming lesson this year, haaa this pic is not so related. If I could, I wanted to send them to many kind of classes but I guess that can be quite ambitious for parents. If you ask o.h, he'll simply reply, let them kid be kids. Ok one class at a time and it fits Aaqilah and her adventurous nature. Unlike Aaqilah, Natalia tu takut air la.

The most recent photo of us during a wedding trip in Kuantan. Look at the kids now, how time flies and growing up before your eyes makes me realise that us too have grown up a lot since their arrivals. Being parents teaches me a lot and there's still so many things to learn at the same time. I used to think that we started quite early (being parents at 26 was quite challenging hehe), but looking back at the journey we started nearly 8 years ago is such a humbling and grateful feelings. Seriously when I told o.h I wanted to get married at 25, I simply said without much considerations although I thought the idea is awesome. There and then I got the wish granted ;)

i think i was quite comfortable and ready for this one. why not, another bundle of joy is more than welcome to what we 're having now. natalia is getting bigger and should learn the responsibility being a big sister. unlike aaqilah, she has much more exposure to kids around her age. to aaqilah it's always ok.

frankly speaking, at first i wanted one, and apparently i thought i wanted one, if you know what i mean.  when the blue line clearly showed the 2 lines, i was a bit stunned. i told o.h, we never fail at this test. however, there's one bit at the deepest part instinctively came out out of nowhere, sure you ready this time? yeah, being thankful i must welcome.

unlike the previous 2 before, i felt fine. once in a while i nearly forgot that there's a bun in the oven. but one day when i traced there's bleeding i started to panic. i left early, drove to shah alam to pickup kids and then was rushing to the clinic. unfortunately my doctor wasn't around and we went home. i prayed hard, please please please..

the next morning, i was still bleeding and after calling a day off, i went again to clinic for check. the doctor was a bit worried and she sent me to specialist for further checkup. she told me, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. God must have a better plan for me insyaAllah.

although i went to clinic since morning, it's only nearly 5pm i was driving home, alone. o.h was already informed. it's been such a tiring and overwhelming day for me. it's confirmed that i was having a miscarriage and the d&c should follow next.

***********************************************

this friday will mark a month after the procedure. i'd really thought that i was tough, however it hit me all of a sudden while in a car with o.h on our way back. i felt loss, but i believe it too, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be..

till next time, amin..

alamak, berita yang tak berapa memberansangkan.

fyi, aaqilah turns 6 this year. oh, anak dara aku nak masuk 6 tahun dah rupanya. ceritanya pasal standard 1 registration.

last year sewaktu orang sibuk register anak masing-masing sekolah untuk sesi 2012/2013, kiterang dengan selambanya buat tak berapa reti saja. oklah, aku sikit lagi nak daftarkan aaqilah kat cbn, tapi memikirkan long term yang aku tak tau nak stay at gltm ke tak membuatkan aku contemplating tak habis-habis. sedar-sedar je tarikh daftar yang expired.

kiterang rasa, takpe towards next year (2012 la) kiterang akan mendapat petunjuk sekolah mana, sebab at that time ada kemungkinan nak pindah rumah. 2-3 bulan lepas aku pun mulalah mencari sekolah balik, cuba-cuba untuk cari dekat dengan um plak, since probability ayah dia kat um adalah lagi tinggi dari aku kat masjid jamek. what i discovered was there's a few very good schools quite close to um. awesomeness!!

akhirnya setelah berjaya menconvincekan oh untuk hantar aaqilah ke sekolah dekat dengan um, o.h pun suruh aku register. tapi aku ingatkan kenalah tunggu sampai registration opens for this year, ye tak.

tapi hari ni sewaktu dia pick up kat stesen star, o.h delivered the not so good news. katanya sekolah tu dah penuh. alamaaak. kita boleh try, ada rezeki ada katanya. tapi kena cari backup schools untuk aaqilah.

backupnya aku takde lagi, sebab aku berharap jugaklah huhuhu.. kita doakan ye semoga dapat tempat untuk cik aaqilah, amin..

oh here comes the hard part, choosing a good school for your kids.

we've been searching the right school at the right location and hopefully not so much to spend on her monthly fee. apa yang pening, kat mana kita nak hantar cik aaqilah kita ni?

o.h is in the um/pj area, moi area prima saujana, kajang for a while sampai kerja yang akan buat aku tak boleh kata no. uncertainty is one thing to o.h, that shouldn't be counted in. we think there's some schools in saujana impian area seems brilliant, and how repetitively i mention to him that i won't be around long enough.

besides the point, there's a more important matter, the school itself.

aku notice yang ramai kawan-kawan aku samada jauh atau dekat, rapat atau biasa-biasa je tengah expecting this year atau maybe awal tahun depan. statistically speaking dan yang menarik gak aku rasa, 3 years ialah age gap yang aku perasan.

personally aku rasa, 3 is quite nice. dia dah boleh faham, kita pon dah lebih faham dia. macam-macam ekspresi dan respond yang kita dapat, dan yang boleh kita expect dari the first born. kadang-kadang tu beyond expectation pun ada. jeles tu biasa laa, dah biasa sorang-sorang tiba-tiba muncul seorang lagi yang pastinya dilayan dengan super lemah lembut. maklumlah, very delicate.

itupun aku rasa, banyak lagi signals dari aaqilah yang aku rasa perlu lebih banyak belajar camne nak handle with care. ini sikit-sikit tak sabar je, mana nak pandai huhuhu.. psikologi kanak-kanak ni boleh tahan kompleks gak.

dari pengalaman, aaqilah semakin less bercakap since natalia ada. doktor kata, itu tanda-tanda jeles. haish..

will give you three, it's a magic number

dalam banyak-banyak benda, aku hampir terlupa pasal checklist baby dan beg hospital, duh..

sebenarnya barang-barang baby dah ada, ada la beli sikit-sikit. nak kata pakai aaqilah punya ada la jugak, tapi mostly baju newborn dan 6 months ke bawah kat mesia. since aku pun dah ada pengalaman, ada jugak lessons learnt yang aku harap tak repeat this time around. contohnya tak usah excited lebih beli baju kecik-kecik banyak sebabnya baby cepat membesar hihihi common sense eh. pastu tak usah excited lebih juga beli baju cantik-cantik, kerana yang paling sesuai ialah body suit dan sleep suit. kalau nak beli baju cantik-cantik boleh jugak, tapi tak usah banyak nanti tak terpakai. macam aaqilah dulu eventually pakai sleepsuit hospital punya sebab rupanya baju cantik dia tak berapa sesuai. maka teruslah ayah aaqilah mencari sleep suit kat hospital jugak (sebenarnya aku sendiri ingat-ingat lupa, padahal baru 3 tahun)

untuk the mom pun kena update juga. nipple cream yang aku pakai waktu aaqilah dulu dah expired, jadi kena beli baru. tapi aku beli tube kecil sikit, sebab itu hari pun tak habis. err barang-barang during pantang nampaknya kena tunggu sikit hari, samada poslaju dari mesia atau dibawa itu aku tak dapat pastikan lagi. apalagi eh, oh ya jangan lupa maternity pad ok.

apa lagi yang tinggal agaknya. baby crib yang comel bole tak hehehe aaa apa lagi cik hasniza oi, kemas barang masuk beg la. dan jangan lupa bawak kamera ok kali ni.

Nampaknya sekarang ni berebut channel dengan aaqilah. dia dengan cbeebiesnya, kiterang nak tengok french open.

hari ni nadal main. tengah aku duk flipping channel, aaqilah pun tak henti-henti dengan demandnya. tapi nasib baik ada bbc iplayer muahahaha jadi semua orang dapat fair and square. cuma once habis dalam 15 minit (depends pada cerita) aaqilah akan bising-bising sebab cerita dah habis. rasanya tak macam youtube yang kau boleh buat playlist. lepas nadal setel, turn roger federer lak. nampaknya satu hari ni kita melayan tenis le ye.

most program kanak-kanak kat channel cbeebies ni berbentuk educational dan less cartoons. nama pun program kanak-kanak kan. walaupun certain watak-watak dia yang kiterang rasa macam nak 'lempengs' sahaja, tapi itulah yang budak-budak ni suka. lagi getik, lagi suka nampaknya. kadang-kadang tu bila tiba-tiba apa yang keluar dari mulut aaqilah tu kiterang jarang sebut, rupanya dia pick up dari rancangan dia. cuma yang merisaukan aku sikit, dia ingat southpark tu pun rancangan untuk dia jugak huhuhu.. itu memang ayah aaqilah dah banyak kali kena sound..

Je suis désolé aaqilah, il est français ouvert pour un autre tour de 2 semaines. tv est la nôtre

notakaki: err lepas ni musim confederation cup plak ;P

cupcake in the making

there you go, 3 legs octopus, blue cupcake with 3 yellow dots, purple heartshaped and a square!

us: what is your name?
aaq: as name..

us: how old are you?
aaq: where are you?

us: name please
aaq: name please..

aiyo, pening la ini macam aaqilah. camne nak gi school nih??

sudah boleh berbangga aku hari ini.

dah nak masuk 2 minggu aku dan aaqilah on off-pampers training. lepas dia bgn around tengahari, tukarkan pampers dan mula laa training. mungkin macam lambat, tapi sebelum 3 tahun mesti boleh off-pampers, yakin boleh aaqilah.

aku pon sekarang dah rasa betul-betul sihat, tak pening-pening lagi. bau-bauan pon tade hal, semua ok. jadi sementara aku tak ke mana lagi ni, bolehlah other half pening-pening all on thesis dia.

ok berbalik kepada cerita aaqilah. sakit kepala, ye. naik darah tinggi, ye. aaqilah nangis bukan kerana kena marah tapi dia yang marah tak dapat main-main atas potty. dia akan hanya cakap once sudah kencing sambil kasi muka nak nangis. ooo tau ye takut. kalau tak cakap pee, dapat 1 kat tapak tangan, 2 kalau tak cakap poo. macam semalam, aaqilah berjaya mengumpul 3.

tetapi hari ni maa sudah boleh berbangga. aaqilah sudah big big girl sekarang. walaupon 2 kali out of 3 hari ni dalam tub mandi, janji bukan luar toilet dan off-pampers. aaqilah sudah reedemed herself dari kes semalam. bukan setakat pee, malah poo sekali.

oh ya, sudah sebulan aaqilah stop breastfeeding. macam mana dan apa taktik tidaklah dapat aku recall yang mana satu. sebabnya ia berhenti secara natural, plus acting skill aku yang tak seberapa ni. "aaqilah, sakit, sakit..." hihihihi

keep it up girl!!

memang tak senang rupanya seperti yang mak dan orang-orang lebih berpengalaman nyatakan pada aku sebelum ni.

tapi mengenai apa? aku sekarang tengah berusaha untuk melepaskan aaqilah dari breastfeeding. ye aaqilah masih breastfeeding walaupun sudah menjangkau 2 tahun setengah. mulanya aku target by hujung tahun lepas boleh stop tapi obviously target tinggal target.

sekarang ni dia memang selalu mengamuk dan meragam tak tentu pasal. sebab musabab yang dikenal pasti ialah kerana catuan susu. dia merasakan tidak lengkap bila sudah tidak boleh dapat pada bila-bila masa dia mahukan.

mak aku cakap takpela aaqilah sampai 3 tahun pon ok. tapi... 3 tahun.. uih tidak dapat aku bayangkan.

setakat ni tricks yang aku cuba ialah ubat gigi - boleh tahan menjadi tapi bila waktu dia nak juga dia belasah saja. kemudian sirap dan berlakon sakit - mula-mula menjadi tapi lama-lama bila merah sirap dah mula hilang dia belasah juga. kemudian aku dapat tips dari kawan, mayonaise. ye inilah trip ultima yang aaqilah paling tak suka cuma hari tu aku terlupa dan terbuang botol mayonaise yang hampir kosong. hari ni aku cuba trick baru tapi tak menjadi langsung. butter is big no-no next time.

mungkin dalam diri aku sendiri ada 10% lagi yang sayang untuk lepaskan aaqilah huhuhu

ada sesapa ada tips lain tak? terima kasih diucapkan

kalau dulu hafal lirik lagu (tapi aku dah lama tinggalkan ye), sekarang hafal nama karakter dalam rancangan kanak-kanak dan kalau perlu hafallah sekali lagu dalam rancangan tu sekali. baru la bole nyanyi bersama-sama

sebenarnya tadelah sampai perlu menghafal. nama pon rancangan kanak-kanak, obviously lagunya pendek-pendek. tapi ada rancangan aaqilah ni karakter boleh tahan banyak, nama pon boleh tahan pelik-pelik. aku selalu kena gelak dengan the hubby sebab asyik salah sebut.

ada 2 rancangan aaqilah to date.

in the night garden



pada aaqilah semuanya pakka walaupon kiterang rasa dia favor igglepiggle. maa aaqilah yang sebenarnya suka igglepiggle. yang kaler creamy milky white tu lah makkapakka, yang aaqilah panggil pakka itu. igglepiggle berwarna biru yang sentiasa memegang selimut merah. dia sentiasa tidur di dalam perahu, yang menurut ayah aaqilah main transportation igglepiggle untuk sampai ke garden.

yes my name is igglepiggle

teletubbies

sangat obvious sekali aaqilah menunjukkan favorite-nya LaaLaa. aku rasa mungkin sebab dekat dengan nama dia. mungkin dia rasa dia seperti laalaa dan laalaa seperti dia agaknya.

budak-budak zaman sekarang.


Sunny Day
Sweepin' the clouds away
On my way to where the air is sweet

Can you tell me how to get,
How to get to Sesame Street