there she goes

Day 06 A taste of spring/autumn
I will always love you, and make sure that you'll be in safe keep babe hahaha



Day 07 Where I'd rather be
Apparently I've had the birthday dinner at the same place as last year, and probably in the coming years since the choice is mine.


Day 08 Hobby
Apart from dslr and instax camera which is the latest member to my photography clan, personally I think iPhone camera takes quite stunning photos :)


Day 09 Dark
It's actually the liquid electric repeller.


Day 10 My fave part of the day
Auwww seeing sufi smiles the very first thing in the morning wakes you up instantly. Stronger than coffee :)
 

when i was asked what do i want for this year's birthday, i was sincerely clueless. how can i ask him for a present when i still owe him one for last year's. and then i've got the ultimate loafer for anniversary and accidentally lost one of the pair in a such freaking way within a month. i also couldn't make up my mind on what i want. ok, i want bottega veneta's nappa and i don't want to splurge myself to an impulsive buying which will make me regret after that. even i've had burberry's lace clutch in my hands, twice in jpo, i'm very proud of myself for having the ability to put a stop at this craziness. bravo hasniza, bravo!!

but actually, what more could i ask when i have o.h, aaqilah, natalia and now sufi in my life. it's a blessing when my parents and in laws are still around, in good healths and my siblings are all doing quite well. john and paul, you were totally right that money can't buy me love.

 we have a new addition to the family, baby sufi asfi kaleela.

 

aaq: maa, boleh saya nak change my name?
maa: (quite surprised) eh, kenapa nak tukar? awak kan suka nama tu?
aaq: saya nak tukar to something else. my classmates semua panggil aa-aa-qilah. (this must be her spelling with the double AA)
maa: oooooo.. maa and ayah gave u aaqilah sebab spellingnya unik. ada nama Aqilah, or Akilah but yours is unique one..

and she was in silence, probably digesting the reason that i gave her.

dearest aaqilah,
you might always be on top of the name list and kids might make fun of your name, but we wanted you to know that it's not an instant to come up with your name. we took time because we care, and we'll always love how AAQILAH spelt ;)

my mother sent my siblings and i to our quranic reading class near our house when we were young. very near that we only walked to the class and once in a while we ran in order to arrive at earliest.

i still remembered that there was a weekly fardhu ain class, where we had tazkirah sessions and solat berjemaah after that. in one of the classes i was introduced to yusuf islam or previously known as cat steven. my ustazah told us about his journey story embracing islam, and we learnt to sing his song. all i could recall was the first few lines something like these..

A' is for Allah, nothing but Allah
Ba' is the beginning of bismillah
...

when aaqilah was around a year or something, i was suddenly heard that song playing in my mind. i thought since i was in uk, it'd be easier to get the cd. so i was searching for that particular cd on amazon uk, and finally bought one based on the reviews that i've read about it. why i just didn't google the lyric back then.. duh.. ironically the imported cd was all the way from malaysia.

i didn't find the same song in the cd, but my kids really enjoy most of the songs until now. even they have their favourite playlist and make me play them over and over again. from aaqilah, to natalia and will be passing to sufi one day..

recommended =)

Although it might be a bit late, introducing to you guys these 2 special instagram accounts, @cupsters   and the latter @projekshawl.

@cupsters
Our humble online baking business which I've founded many many years ago with the chocolate cake as the beginning. It's not really huge but manageable and we're proud of our homemade products ;) Highly recommended - Red Velvet cake/cupcake with creamy cheese cream frosting and always my favourite, Devils Food cupcake with chocolate ganache.

Feel free to follow @cupsters and to like our page too Cupsters.Monsters



@projekshawl
Due to my petite built, I've always had problems finding my perfect shawl. If the width is ok, I've had issues with the length and vice versa. Sometimes I've had issues with the materials's opaqueness and material itself. When I see others wearing cute shawls, I always wonder where did they get theirs and one day I thought why not do it myself ones. So that's how it began, a small side project by yours truly. But who knows where this step might lead me to, amen.. Psss, just let me know if you like any of these..

Anyway, there're still many rooms for improvements and a lot for me to learn. It's exciting, challenging and yet could be rewarding. So please, your supports are very much appreciated..

Follow @projekshawl and like the page projekshawl

I've started shopping for new baby quite recently.

Actually it's all started when I went to a facial and the masseur was promoting leesa's formula postnatal set. Since I had the treatment at the spa, there's a 20% discount if I bought the product. I was this close to buy but then halted. Must study this first, I thought.

The next few days was spent on reading reviews and finally I've decided on Tanamera. Firstly I think I could make full use of the products (have started using some actually). During Aaqilah I was on Nona Roguy (love the minyak herba, bau sedap), Natalia was on HPA. OK, I wasn't really concerned on the postnatal set as long as I had one, and both of the sets were specially brought to UK that time. Terima dengan redha. In case of Tanamera, I managed to get that during online promotion.

After that, nothing much purchased, as I always feel that we've got most of the stuffs. To be honest, don't get me started on this because once the list started, I'll end up with what a long one even longer than first time mommies.

So, it's better to have the hospital bag ready first.

The list may yet completes but all I could think so far:
Mine

• Tops (blouses, tshirts)
• Pants (loose)
• Kain batik (if I could find where I keep those haha)
• Maternity/Nursing bras, panties
• Pairs of socks
• Camera (make sure fully charged)
• Handphone and charger/power bank
• Necessary ointments
• Toiletteries/Towel 

•  Sleepsuits
•  Pampers
•  Napkins/Swaddle
•  Mittens/booties
•  Carseat (namanya alang-alang dah ada ;P)

last week was an exam week for aaqilah. we were a bit nervous at first, and the stress level was hiking as we felt aaqilah wasn't ready for her exam. being a stressful mom (very ones) i started my ceramah  and continued blabbering whenever i felt i must to. poor aaqilah..

so a few days before the exam, we have started preparing her with her 2-3 hours per session daily regime. budak tu baru darjah 1 ok. day and night for all subjects. whenever we asked her questions, she became hesitant with her answers and then just simply replied 'i don't know'.

however during the study sessions, questions started to arise. did the learnings were so much fun back then that our parents let us be kids. has the level of education system nowadays increased, thus subjects for standard 1 now become more difficult. or is aaqilah unable to coupe during learning sessions? o.h told aaqilah that he didn't need to study when he was in standard 1-3 and getting 100% was no biggie. all i could recall is, standard 1-3 was quite easy. in order to motivate her, i told aaqilah my favorite subject was mathematics but my english was terrible. her command in english is way better than mine, even natalia speaks english better when i was around their age.

one important question, do we put high expectations on her to always perform? do I put high expectations on her?

a day after her exam finished, o.h told me aaqilah scored 98% for her bahasa melayu.wow, very encouraging. later more results came in, 89% for her maths, B for arabic (around 70++) and 84% for dunia sains. i started to worry again, as i thought if you couldn't get strong A's (90 and above) when you're in standard 1, how will you perform after this?

the answer is always yes. i guess for next year and afterwards, we'll let her being kid of her age but she must abide her responsibity as student, daughter and good muslim. what could be more satisfying than achieving very good results after hard labour?

rumours that i've heard, moms of her classmates complained that the exam was difficult. her friends didn't score either, even their kids told them that the highest score for sains is 80++. err, could it be aaqilah?

let see what her teacher is going to say next week.. jeng jeng jeng

i think i was quite comfortable and ready for this one. why not, another bundle of joy is more than welcome to what we 're having now. natalia is getting bigger and should learn the responsibility being a big sister. unlike aaqilah, she has much more exposure to kids around her age. to aaqilah it's always ok.

frankly speaking, at first i wanted one, and apparently i thought i wanted one, if you know what i mean.  when the blue line clearly showed the 2 lines, i was a bit stunned. i told o.h, we never fail at this test. however, there's one bit at the deepest part instinctively came out out of nowhere, sure you ready this time? yeah, being thankful i must welcome.

unlike the previous 2 before, i felt fine. once in a while i nearly forgot that there's a bun in the oven. but one day when i traced there's bleeding i started to panic. i left early, drove to shah alam to pickup kids and then was rushing to the clinic. unfortunately my doctor wasn't around and we went home. i prayed hard, please please please..

the next morning, i was still bleeding and after calling a day off, i went again to clinic for check. the doctor was a bit worried and she sent me to specialist for further checkup. she told me, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. God must have a better plan for me insyaAllah.

although i went to clinic since morning, it's only nearly 5pm i was driving home, alone. o.h was already informed. it's been such a tiring and overwhelming day for me. it's confirmed that i was having a miscarriage and the d&c should follow next.

***********************************************

this friday will mark a month after the procedure. i'd really thought that i was tough, however it hit me all of a sudden while in a car with o.h on our way back. i felt loss, but i believe it too, if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be..

till next time, amin..

hh : aaqilah, esok birthday maa
oh : kita nak kasi maa apa aaqilah?
aaq : kita kasi maa tabung duit
nat : yeyy

i was like, ooo ok =) dalam hati bangga gak ahaks

jodoh.

dengan siapa, macam mana, kenapa, di mana?

coincidentally tarikh dia hari ni plak, saya tak sengaja. btw draft berabuk ni dah nak sebulan. hari-hari aku duk ngadap skrin yang sama terkebil-kebil mencari idea. jodoh oh jodoh, rezeki oh rezeki.

bukankah sudah tersurat di loh mahfuz ketentuan jodoh, rezeki, dan maut itu. jadi setiap dari kita ni ada other halfnya insyaAllah. tapi takdelah sampai tak berusaha langsung, mentang-mentanglah dah tertulis. adakah jodoh ini takdir yang kita pilih sendiri, jika dia passes by, that moment and that person won't be coming back. macam tu ke. atau seperti yang aku pernah baca, if he/she's meant to be, he/she's meant to be..

marriage ialah relationship kan, jadi takde kuasa magik yang membuatkan semuanya smooth sailing. marriage/relationship needs hard work from both ends and never to give up. apa yang aku nak cuba relatekan dengan cerita di atas ialah macam ni, sila baca untuk beberapa perenggan berikutnya hahaha. kadang-kadang ada hari matahari bersinar terang gemilang, langit biru siap ada burung terbang bebas riang. ada hari gerimis. ada hari hujan lebat, siap ada petir guruh lengkap. ye, dia pelengkap, tapi once in a while aku pon bole naik darah jugak. sama-sama tensen dengan macam-macam peel masing-masing. ops, baru kawen nak masuk 7 tahun ni ;)

have you ever thought, why me? dah le pendek, tak putih (ok, tanak mengaku aku gelap di sini), kasar, tomboyish, tak manja, menggelabah ayam, train wreck, temperamental dan sebagainya. on the other hand, dia adalah sebaliknya. physically attractive, berjaya, high self-esteem, ciri-ciri berjaya.

dia pernah cakap, awak cool. oh seriously kembang kuncup hidung aku bangga time tu. hati rasa bunga-bunga ria. jadi ada 1001 macam sebab kenapa aku dan dia. kalau nak list down mau berapa jam lagi aku tetap mengadap skrin ni memikirkan jawapannya. ultimately ialah saya jodoh awak dan awak jodoh saya. 

aku berdoa untuk lelaki yang baik, bukan setakat dia baik tapi baik hatinya. aku suka lelaki yang pandai, ye sangat pandai. aku ni macam keretapi tanah melayu dan dia macam shinkansen. aku suka lelaki yang ada ilmu dunia dan agama di dada, alhamdulillah dia punya. aku nak rasa sangat selesa, the comfy cushion physically and emotionally. aku suka lelaki yang sedap di pandang mata. despite whatever people used to say that he's too pretty, dia as a person came top on my list. that's the magic i guess, somehow the obvious appearance becomes unnoticeable. (told you, the list keeps going)

rupanya lambakan bunga, coklat, heart shaped balloons and v-day deco kat sunway pyramid tadi berjaya jugaklah menjadikan aku orang jiwa-jiwa malam ni. aiiii...

alamak, berita yang tak berapa memberansangkan.

fyi, aaqilah turns 6 this year. oh, anak dara aku nak masuk 6 tahun dah rupanya. ceritanya pasal standard 1 registration.

last year sewaktu orang sibuk register anak masing-masing sekolah untuk sesi 2012/2013, kiterang dengan selambanya buat tak berapa reti saja. oklah, aku sikit lagi nak daftarkan aaqilah kat cbn, tapi memikirkan long term yang aku tak tau nak stay at gltm ke tak membuatkan aku contemplating tak habis-habis. sedar-sedar je tarikh daftar yang expired.

kiterang rasa, takpe towards next year (2012 la) kiterang akan mendapat petunjuk sekolah mana, sebab at that time ada kemungkinan nak pindah rumah. 2-3 bulan lepas aku pun mulalah mencari sekolah balik, cuba-cuba untuk cari dekat dengan um plak, since probability ayah dia kat um adalah lagi tinggi dari aku kat masjid jamek. what i discovered was there's a few very good schools quite close to um. awesomeness!!

akhirnya setelah berjaya menconvincekan oh untuk hantar aaqilah ke sekolah dekat dengan um, o.h pun suruh aku register. tapi aku ingatkan kenalah tunggu sampai registration opens for this year, ye tak.

tapi hari ni sewaktu dia pick up kat stesen star, o.h delivered the not so good news. katanya sekolah tu dah penuh. alamaaak. kita boleh try, ada rezeki ada katanya. tapi kena cari backup schools untuk aaqilah.

backupnya aku takde lagi, sebab aku berharap jugaklah huhuhu.. kita doakan ye semoga dapat tempat untuk cik aaqilah, amin..

Aaq: maa kenapa?
Me : sakit perut, angin
Aaq: maa bukak baju sikit, nanti angin keluar ikut pusat.
Me : err betul ke, boleh jadi ni?
Aaq: betul, angin keluar ikut pusat, shu shu (tgn dia tunjuk almost everywhere) nanti maa elok

Aaq: maa minum air apa
Me : coffee
Aaq: kenapa maa minum hot driNk?
Me : maa minum air panas dulu. Later boleh minum air sejuk
Aaq: kenapa maa tak buat air tea?
Me : ni kan perut dah masuk angin. kena stop minum la jap
Aaq: maa buat la mcam saya cakap tadi. Pastu maa buat air tea. Kita boleh minum

Ooo patut laa

Salam ramadhan =)

i've finally updated cupsters, please click here for the latest.

took me months to gather stuffs, ideas, and the ideal concept for a better and stylish look. tapi aku tetap cuba maintain seminimal yang boleh, maklumla saya ni minimalist orangnya ;) clean look and fresh, hopefully.

hence, feel free to drop by and your feedbacks are highly and very much appreciated. dengan rendah hati saya mengucapkan terima kasih..

oh by the way, it's nearly there. still not satisfied and wouldn't call it our final product. but, it's there..

fly high cupsters =)

A belated entry from aaqilah's birthday last.. month hahah!!

Aku tidur pukul 4 pagi, and it's totally worth the next morning's doziness and dizziness. Baked nearly 140s red velvet cupcakes which I topped with vanilla buttercream. Maklumlah budak-budak tak semua sukakan cheese cream, and mentioning about cheese cream I think I could come up with a good entry of cupcakes frosting ;)

So, from the bottom of maa's heart, I wished you dear happy birthday (this is past hasniza ok), loves u much, dan doa yang terbaik dan terindah untuk aaqilah.. amin =)

Red velvet with vanilla buttercream frosting

Red velvet cake

The 2 munchkins

With the cousins

lines of cupcakes

lazy eye ialah satu condition di mana mata kita menjadi tidak properly aligned with each other. ia akan menyebabkan gangguan pada vision dan jarak pengamatan seseorang.

dulu bila aku dengar lazy eye tu, aku ingat mata yang seperti droopy keadaannya. seperti maksudnya malas, jadi dia malas untuk digunakan menyebabkan sebelah mata akan lebih aktif dari sebelah mata yang lagi satu. apa yang aku faham, macam agak betul tapi kurang tepat.

ada orang kata juling tapi aku tak sure.

due to small 'lump' kat mata kiri aaqilah, it's detected that aaqilah has already developed early lazy eyes symptoms. sejak bila, kita pon tak sure. setelah hampir 2 tahun since the last check, last week aaqilah started again her eye checkup routine.

treatments yang mandatori untuk aaqilah as for now,

• pakai eye patch dalam 2-3 jam sehari untuk train balik penggunaan mata kiri dia dengan merehatkan mata kanan
• pakai spek dengan power yang lebih on the left eye side